Here is a sample of the exercise we're doing in my support group tonight. It is from Patrick Carnes book "Facing the Shadow."

We're making a list of all the major problems related to our sex addiction (credit card debt, estranged from family, fights with wife/girlfriend, STDs)

Then we're working on solving these one at a time, TOGETHER.

---------------------------------

PROBLEMS LIST:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.


PROBLEM 1: .

BEST POSSIBLE OUTCOME:






MINIMUM ACCEPTABLE OUTCOME:





POSSIBLE SOLUTIONS:

1.


2.


3.


4.


5.


6.


7.


8.


9.


10.

I've been going through this worksheet every day. It is bringing great insight into my life and the character defects that fuel my compulsive behavior:

Daily Moral Inventory Worksheet

Worksheet Explanation

I had my support group do this exercise a couple weeks ago.

It helps to combat the power of shame in our lives.

Try it! Becoming aware of shame based messages that we feed ourselves constantly is the first step to becoming free.

Many of these messages are repeated below the level of consciousness, but they destroy our self esteem and then we run to sex for escape. Can you relate to any of these?

(From "Letting Go of Shame" Page 115)

Below is an exercise that I encourage sexual addicts to do from time to time to gauge how isolated they feel in key relationships.

Why?

Because the more isolated we feel, the more likely we will be to act out. Sexual addiction is an effort to "fix" our isolated feelings with sex. Sex gives us a feeling of connectedness, even if it is a total fantasy of connectedness. You can't connect with an actor in a porn movie or image. You can't connect with a prostitute. In reality, even a short lived extramarital affair is not true connectedness, it is merely a short term, unreal relationship.

But all these sexual activities feel like true connectedness. These sexually addictive activities feel like they are solving our feeling of isolation and loneliness.

Plot yourself on the chart below.

Identify where you feel most isolated. Then begin to connect on a deeper level in those relationships.

You'll find your urges to act out decreasing dramatically.

About how we try to control our pain, past, fears by escaping to anger, sex, drugs, alcohol, resentment, food etc... and how we must release control

Some changes
are taking place with the weekly
sx addiction conference call.

My wife and I have another recovery program
(celebrate recovery)
on Thursday nights.

We really want to get involved
in this together, so I'm going to stop the Thursday
night conference calls.

UNLESS

You would like to be the facilitator of these
calls.

1. Requires weekly committment to be on the
conf call.
2. Requires significant progress in your
recovery (you don't have to be relapse
free, but you need to have a basic
understanding of recovery)
3. Requires coming up with a thought
provoking question to discuss for the
each week's conf call that will help
the guys calling in to open up and share.

Post a comment here and let me know
if you're interested.

Tonight's call is canceled.
Chad

P.S. Its been great doing these calls
and a real help for me personally as well.
I'd love to see them keep going, but I really
need to invest more in my wife and I's
recovery together so I'm shifting my priorities...

Click Here for an example of how sex addiction destroys your life.

Take note of how many emails he sent during work time.