Below is an exercise that I encourage sexual addicts to do from time to time to gauge how isolated they feel in key relationships.
Because the more isolated we feel, the more likely we will be to act out. Sexual addiction is an effort to “fix” our isolated feelings with sex. Sex gives us a feeling of connectedness, even if it is a total fantasy of connectedness. You can’t connect with an actor in a porn movie or image. You can’t connect with a prostitute. In reality, even a short lived extramarital affair is not true connectedness, it is merely a short term, unreal relationship.
But all these sexual activities feel like true connectedness. These sexually addictive activities feel like they are solving our feeling of isolation and loneliness.
Plot yourself on the chart below.
Identify where you feel most isolated. Then begin to connect on a deeper level in those relationships.
You’ll find your urges to act out decreasing dramatically.