Why do I keep doing this?

One of the most important points to remember is this cycle that you go through each time you relapse. There is usually a very predictable cycle. It starts with stress or pain (see circle at the top) and progresses very predictably through all the steps until you end up back at the beginning. It can take a couple weeks to get through the cycle once, or you might complete the cycle every day. Learning to process Pain/Stress (beginning of the cycle) is the only way to stop it.