Several weeks ago Jay Pathak (Mile High Vineyard Church in Colorado) taught a sermon called Growing in Grace. In a portion of that sermon he laid out the reason quitting your sin cold turkey – without making OTHER CHANGES in your life – results in falling back into your sin.
Click below to listen to the 8 minute audio – It’s worth it!
These are the steps that I recommend for any sex addict looking for sex addiction therapy:
1. Get involved in a healing/support/therapy type group. These groups are different than 12 step groups, they focus more on daily support, sharing your story, healing from past trauma. This group wouldn’t even have to be an exclusively sex addiction therapy group as long as it is a safe place for you to share you daily struggles and the pain from your past.
2. Get involved in a 12 step group. This could be Sexaholics Anonymous, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, Celebrate Recovery, or any variation, as long as you are involved and actively completing step work with a sponsor.
3. Get a therapist that can help drill down deep in issues that the above two groups are bringing out. Make sure your therapist understands sexual addiction. Many of them do not know what to do with a sex addict. Preferably a therapist who understands cognitive therapy.
These three elements are crucial for your recovery. If you try to do this by yourself, you will fail. Your sex addiction is a powerful force. It is more powerful than you are, or you wouldn’t be reading this right now looking for help. Just do it, you’ll find freedom.
You can also get on our group support line every Wednesday at 8:30 pm central. Details on the left menu bar of http://www.kicksexaddiction.com .
From my daily reading today (from 24 hours a Day, AA devotional). Just replace the word alcohol/AA with sex addiction/sex addiction recovery.
It doesn’t do much good to come to meetings only once in a while and sit around, hoping to get something out of the program. That’s all right at first, but it won’t help us very long. Sooner or later we have to get into action by coming to meetings regularly, by giving a personal witness of our experience with alcohol, and by trying to help other alcoholics. Building a new life takes all the energy that we used to spend on drinking. Am I spending at least as much time and effort on the new life that I’m trying to build in A.A.?
I see sex addicts do this all the time. They go to recovery meetings every so often. Once a month, every other week, then miss two weeks, then show up for 3 weeks straight, then disappear for a month. But without steady meetings and constant fellowship with other recovering people, they’ll see no progress at all.
In this video I talk about why it is CRITICAL that you recognize if you’re entering the Ritual stage of the addictive cycle. What I explain in this video was a key step in my own recovery from sexual addiction.
An important step in getting free from sexual addiction is (1) recognizing the dangers of sexual fantasy and (2) realizing when you are habitually fantasizing about sex. This quick video talks about the FANTASY stage of the addictive cycle, and ways to recognize it.
One of the most important points to remember is this cycle that you go through each time you relapse. There is usually a very predictable cycle. It starts with stress or pain (see circle at the top) and progresses very predictably through all the steps until you end up back at the beginning. It can take a couple weeks to get through the cycle once, or you might complete the cycle every day. Learning to process Pain/Stress (beginning of the cycle) is the only way to stop it.
2. Follow my instructions in those videos IN DETAIL.
3. Find a local support group that understand sexual addiction, or join in on our weekly conference calls.
That’s all you need to get started! Just go do it, take action. Please contact me at the email address you see on the left if you have any questions, I’ll help in any way I can (but the first thing I’ll ask is, have you watched my videos?).