Sexual Addiction Recovery

First Steps To Your Recovery From Sex Addiction

noreply@blogger.com (Chaddo) — Thu, 29 Apr 2010 21:59:00 +0000

It has been a while since I posted about the basics of getting started in your recovery from sex addiction, porn addiction, or any other compulsive sexual addiction:

1. Watch my 2 instructional videos here.

2. Follow my instructions in those videos IN DETAIL.

3. Find a local support group that understand sexual addiction, or join in on our weekly conference calls.

That's all you need to get started! Just go do it, take action.
Please contact me at the email address you see on the left if you have any questions, I'll help in any way I can (but the first thing I'll ask is, have you watched my videos?).

How To Truly Forgive

noreply@blogger.com (Chaddo) — Sat, 20 Mar 2010 16:24:00 +0000

A short audio seminar I gave on how to truly forgive.

Also discusses why becoming free of resentment is one of the keys to beating sexual addiction:

http://kicksexaddiction.com/forgiveness.mp3

Here is the handout that goes with it

I am NOT an object.

noreply@blogger.com (Julian) — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 22:04:00 +0000

People on the bus are so accustomed to ringing that little stupid bell to request a stop that they do it automatically. Oh, it’s a great way to communicate to the bus driver when the bus is packed and you want the next stop. Personally, as the driver, I really don’t like it when the bus is empty or nearly empty and it rings. People may be standing right next to me and they still ring the stupid bell. They do it automatically even when can talk directly to me. That, is a pet peeve of mine. When that happens, in my head I scream, “HEY…I’m right her, TEN FEET away…! TALK to me, I’m not an OBJECT, I’m not a MACHINE!”

I learned from the Ted Robert’s book about objectification. Objectification teaches us to turn ourselves and others into objects; its one of the first consequences or casualties of sexual addiction. I have had to learn over the past five years of recovery to connect. I feel so alive, so accepted, and so complete when I share deeply. I don’t want to reverse that trend.

I don’t blame people for not engaging a complete stranger, particularly, on the bus. I just don’t like it, I feel like an object.

Keeping It Real.

noreply@blogger.com (Julian) — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 22:53:00 +0000

I am surprised at the reactions of some of my Pastors. Through this journey of recovery, I am learning to live in reality. To me, this means, breaking out of denial, being in touch with my feelings and expressing these feelings. I have had to learn, where and when it is appropriate to do so. I served for a while as an usher/greeter at church. Sunday mornings greeting people may or may not be the appropriate time to express myself.

I have expressed my self frankly to some of my pastors, sometimes, even on Sunday mornings. I have been asked, more than once, “How are you?” by a pastor. If I was having a bad day, I have responded...”not good, so-so, or struggling”. Remember, I am practicing “being real”. The responses have been pretty similar; it’s usually been a look of surprise. I try not to react to there responses, but it tells me they were expecting me to come up with a “Christian Jingo” (i.e.: Praise The Lord) .

What this tells me is this, in my effort to be healthy and practice recovery; I am working against the grain, even in the Christian culture. I can expect this and I need to persevere anyhow. My ultimate goal is to be a healthy man on the road to complete recovery.

Ever have someone Talk AT You?

noreply@blogger.com (Julian) — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 21:19:00 +0000

I drive a bus, on a part-time basis in the City of Chicago. On Friday, I received a lay-off notice from The Chicago Transit Authority

Later that same day, I ran into a man, a fellow bus driver, in the CTA garage. We engaged in small talk and the conversation turned to the lay-off notice I received in the mail earlier in that day. I told him that it was on my mind (I kept my upset feelings to myself).

He told me that I simply needed to disregard the letter. He proceeded to “talk at me”.

Ever have someone "talk at you"? He may have been well intended and even sincere, but he was preaching at me and was nearly angry as he spoke. Maybe I am overly sensitive, but I really sensed this. He spoke AT me and interrupted me. He offered me very little help that I could apply and did not take any time to understand where I was coming from.

Jesus, for whom Christianity is named, when he encountered people, he began where they were. Jesus did this by engaging in conversation, give and take, back and forth communications.

The greater point is this; I need to know what I believe and what I need. I believe in Jesus, in His Sovereignty and in His sufficiency. I know He is sufficient to meet all my needs, which include my emotional needs. I do not deny my feelings, I know that the letter upset me and rightfully so. It was upsetting news. I also have learned about myself and that my feelings are my feelings and that if I deny my feelings (which is what he was encouraging me to do), my feelings will come out in unhealthy and unconstructive way. As a younger person, I learned to deny stuff and run away from my feelings. I was taught that I needed not to be governed by my feelings and I agree with that premise. What I disagree with is how to do this. I need to take my feelings, in this case, my upset feelings over the letter and bring those to the Lord and allow him to minister to me. He did, in this case; He has done it before for me and I believe He will do it for me again.

I believe this is Biblical and I know this is the best way to deal with my feelings. (Ps 4:4, Rev 21:4, 1Pet 5: 7, Mt 11:28,29.

Problem Solving with our Sexual Addiction

noreply@blogger.com (Chaddo) — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 23:27:00 +0000

Here is a sample of the exercise we're doing in my support group tonight. It is from Patrick Carnes book "Facing the Shadow."

We're making a list of all the major problems related to our sex addiction (credit card debt, estranged from family, fights with wife/girlfriend, STDs)

Then we're working on solving these one at a time, TOGETHER.

---------------------------------

PROBLEMS LIST:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

PROBLEM 1: .

BEST POSSIBLE OUTCOME:

MINIMUM ACCEPTABLE OUTCOME:

POSSIBLE SOLUTIONS:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

Daily Sexual Addiction Inventory

noreply@blogger.com (Chaddo) — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 23:24:00 +0000

I've been going through this worksheet every day. It is bringing great insight into my life and the character defects that fuel my compulsive behavior:

Daily Moral Inventory Worksheet

Worksheet Explanation

Shame Drives Your Sexual Addiction

noreply@blogger.com (Chaddo) — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 02:41:00 +0000

I had my support group do this exercise a couple weeks ago.

It helps to combat the power of shame in our lives.

Try it! Becoming aware of shame based messages that we feed ourselves constantly is the first step to becoming free.

Many of these messages are repeated below the level of consciousness, but they destroy our self esteem and then we run to sex for escape. Can you relate to any of these?

(From "Letting Go of Shame" Page 115)

Isolation = Sexual Addiction

noreply@blogger.com (Chaddo) — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 13:44:00 +0000

Below is an exercise that I encourage sexual addicts to do from time to time to gauge how isolated they feel in key relationships.

Why?

Because the more isolated we feel, the more likely we will be to act out. Sexual addiction is an effort to "fix" our isolated feelings with sex. Sex gives us a feeling of connectedness, even if it is a total fantasy of connectedness. You can't connect with an actor in a porn movie or image. You can't connect with a prostitute. In reality, even a short lived extramarital affair is not true connectedness, it is merely a short term, unreal relationship.

But all these sexual activities feel like true connectedness. These sexually addictive activities feel like they are solving our feeling of isolation and loneliness.

Plot yourself on the chart below.

Identify where you feel most isolated. Then begin to connect on a deeper level in those relationships.

You'll find your urges to act out decreasing dramatically.

My Wife Teaching at Celebrate Recovery

noreply@blogger.com (Chaddo) — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 15:20:00 +0000

About how we try to control our pain, past, fears by escaping to anger, sex, drugs, alcohol, resentment, food etc... and how we must release control

Weekly Conference Calls Canceled (Unless...)

noreply@blogger.com (Chaddo) — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 19:19:00 +0000

Some changes
are taking place with the weekly
sx addiction conference call.

My wife and I have another recovery program
(celebrate recovery)
on Thursday nights.

We really want to get involved
in this together, so I'm going to stop the Thursday
night conference calls.

UNLESS

You would like to be the facilitator of these
calls.

1. Requires weekly committment to be on the
conf call.
2. Requires significant progress in your
recovery (you don't have to be relapse
free, but you need to have a basic
understanding of recovery)
3. Requires coming up with a thought
provoking question to discuss for the
each week's conf call that will help
the guys calling in to open up and share.

Post a comment here and let me know
if you're interested.

Tonight's call is canceled.
Chad

P.S. Its been great doing these calls
and a real help for me personally as well.
I'd love to see them keep going, but I really
need to invest more in my wife and I's
recovery together so I'm shifting my priorities...

How Sexual Addiction Destroys Your Life

noreply@blogger.com (Chaddo) — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 03:03:00 +0000

Click Here for an example of how sex addiction destroys your life.

Take note of how many emails he sent during work time.

4 Things That Have Been Crucial To My Recovery

noreply@blogger.com (Chaddo) — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 03:48:00 +0000

These 4 steps outline very clearly the path I've taken in my recovery.

Carefully following these 4 steps will bring you great freedom from sexual addiction.

Click here to listen to me describe how it works.

Sexual Addiction and Shame

noreply@blogger.com (Chaddo) — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 01:13:00 +0000

Shame is one of the main forces keeping us trapped in addiction.

Listen to this audio about shame and addiction:
(Click Here To Listen)

Then ask yourself these questions:

1. When was a recent time when you felt shame?

2. When was a time in your childhood when you felt shame?

Back to Basics: A Crucial Recovery Skill

noreply@blogger.com (Chaddo) — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 20:00:00 +0000

Listen to this audio clip, it describes one crucial skill that you need to recover from sexual addiction. Are you doing it?

Click here to listen

Sex Addiction And The Matrix

noreply@blogger.com (Chaddo) — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 03:44:00 +0000

Click Here to View the Matrix Comic That I Discuss in the Audio Above

Sexual Addiction and Family Rules

noreply@blogger.com (Chaddo) — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 04:14:00 +0000

Sex Addiction and Family Rules:

Listen to the audio file

Attack Addiction From All Sides

noreply@blogger.com (Chaddo) — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 23:23:00 +0000

Julian Takes Us to Deep Places

noreply@blogger.com (Chaddo) — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 02:06:00 +0000

I encourage you to listen to this audio file of Julian, on this conference call he really took us to some deep places.

Sexual Addiction and Trauma

Secondary Addiction That I Guarantee You have

noreply@blogger.com (Chaddo) — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 16:55:00 +0000

If you are a sex addict, I guarantee that you have a very specific secondary addiction.

All sex addicts have it. It goes hand in hand with sex addiction:

Click here to find out

When we focus our lives on pleasure, we measure life's values by the amount of pleasure we can get. We become seekers of two things. First, we seek the trance that raw pleasure brings. Second, we seek to avoid the anxieties and pains-- what Shakespeare's Hamlet called the "slings and arrows" --of life avoidance quickly becomes te primary organizing strategy for how we deal with life. Struggling with life's difficulties becomes meaningless for the pleasure-centered individual unless the end product is more pleasure. Struggle itself is seen as a failure, a sign that we are inadequate, and this only intensifies our search for more pleasure.

Sexual Addiction and Control

noreply@blogger.com (Chaddo) — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 04:08:00 +0000

Audio message for you here:

Sexual Addiction and Control

Message From Jesse

noreply@blogger.com (Jesse) — Mon, 07 Jan 2008 02:51:00 +0000

Sex Addiction Recovery Message From Jesse E (click play below)

Seth's Sex Addiction Story

noreply@blogger.com (Chaddo) — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 22:43:00 +0000

My brother, Seth just sent me this audio recording of him sharing his story of struggle and recovery from sexual addiction.

Click here: to Listen to his story

I think you'll be able to relate to alot of what he says.

He has 14 weeks of abstinence, leave him a comment of encouragement!

Sorry it took me so long to post this

noreply@blogger.com (Chaddo) — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 23:12:00 +0000

Busy week... everyone in my family has been sick so its been pretty chaotic, but here is the recording of our last conference call:

Sexual Addiction and Anger

Blessed Are Those Who Mourn

noreply@blogger.com (Chaddo) — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 16:51:00 +0000

Made this little video for you about a crucial skill in recovering from sexual addiction: